Do you like it hot?
At my house, my wife and I like it hot.
We love hot sauce! I’ve noticed that many of my friends who also love spicy food tend to have a loyalty to only one or two types of hot sauce. I have a whole shelf of them. Look!
–Heh. I didn’t actually mean to get my copy of the Apicius in the picture. That is something for another entry.–
But notice that it isn’t over kill. There are none of those hot sauces bought on cheesy boardwalks that have a label depicting a cartoon devil farting fire while smoke comes out of his ears. Nobody likes that stuff. Everybody has a bottle of it, but nobody likes “Bloody Poop” brand hot sauce. Each bottle in that picture has its own special place in my heart and on my taste buds.
But lets start this post off with ole’ familiar:
—Tabasco sauce is the iconic staple of what it is to be a hot sauce in the South. Everyone’s father had a bottle and maybe its familiarity is why I like it so much. And while I am sure some hot sauce purists will disagree with me, nostalgia aside, Tabasco is pretty darn good.
Stuff I use it on: blackbeans, eggs, ketchup for french fries, grits, and occasionally pizza.
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Next on this list is the Asian-style hot sauce that has taken America by storm and is poised to usurp the top position in the country:
—Americans frickin’ love Sriracha. So much so that soon hot sauce purists will have to start hating the famous “rooster sauce.” I own a bottle of it. I like it. But it makes everything taste so Asian. And I keep a dirty, little secret from my foodie buddies…I don’t particularly care for Asian food. I eat it and I enjoy it when I do but I never am in the mood for duck or huge bowls of soup.
That said, I love sushi but prefer wasabi with my raw tuna and salmon.
Stuff I use it on: Well, I’ve had that bottle for probably two years, so not much. Occasionally my wife decides “to hell with my husband” and cooks Thai food.
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Now we come to the smiling mariachi that has stolen my heart:
—Tapatio (or best I can tell “Uncle Snack”) came into my life about five years ago when my brother came back from Arizona after college. By then, I had already established a pecking order for my hot sauces and didn’t know if I had room for another. But my brother insisted. Plus, Uncle Snack looks like the cool uncle who gives you a beer when you are underage and then plays some minor-chord, Mexican standard on the trumpet. Tapatio has since ascended the ranks and holds the top spot in my hierarchy of hot sauce.
Stuff I use it on: Pizza, anything Mexican, basically anything with a lot of cheese.
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In my early twenties, this next sauce stood above the rest but an aging palate alters tastes and the good cowboy just couldn’t compete against Uncle Snack:
—My best friend and I used to swear by the euphoric properties of Texas Pete. We’d down shots of the stuff and then while our brains rushed dopamine into our endocrine system we’d paint grandiose pieces of art. I have a lot of wonderful memories attached to the infamously hot Alabama summer nights compounded with rounds of pure Texas Pete and the smell of oil paint. My use of T.P. has faded considerably but not my love for it.
(Editors note, I study language, history, and art…I have no idea how an endocrine system works but it sounded like the right thing.)
Stuff I use it on: Not really much anymore. I really enjoy it on wings but I never make wings. It works pretty dang well mixed in with barbeque sauces. Occasionally I’ll pick up a sixer of cheap beer, an awful pizza, and a worse movie then drown the pizza in T.P. to cover the taste. Otium sine dignitate.
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That about covers the oft’used hot sauces, but variety is the spice of life and this is where my special teams come in to liven things up.
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The first “single-use” hot sauce on my list gives life to an old childhood favorite:
—This Mexican restaurant staple finds its way on many an endearing fan’s burrito but my smart money delegates this to a decidedly non-Mexican dish…sloppy Joes. Really. Next time you want a bit of comfort food, fry up some corn and make sloppy Joes with a liberal splashing of Valentina. You’ll thank me.
Stuff I use it on: Sloppy Joes.
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Although Texas Pete has been recently taking a back seat, he does not go away without a fight. T.P. doubles up on this list with his delicious pepper sauce:
—Living in the American South you come to appreciate the art of cooking two relatively simple dishes: Mac and Cheese and greens. Both benefit tremendously from T.P.’s pepper sauce. The other great thing about the pepper sauce is that when it is empty, you can simply refill it with vinegar and let it set for a couple months. Or you can enjoy a jar full of tasty, pickled peppers.
Stuff I use it on: Mac and Cheese and any sort of greens.
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Two years ago I decided to make my own and call it “Bocchino Brand Hot Sauce.” The label was supposed to have a drawing of my dog (an American bulldog) wearing a fedora and holding a cow horn pepper in his mouth. The label never materialized but the sauce was wonderful:
—I used only roasted homegrown cow horn peppers, garlic, molasses, vinegar, and salt. It looked like spicy vomit but tasted like spicy heaven.
I don’t proclaim to be an expert on hot sauce, I just like them a lot. I know there are several brands I have missed…Frank’s, Crystal, and Louisiana come to mind. So, do me a favor and educate me and take the poll. Was your favorite hot sauce on my list? If not, click “other” but make sure to tell me which one you prefer.
